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Pick up Those Toys, Please

6 Strategies to Get Your Toddler to Clean Up
By Melinda Copp
Article from iParenting

Toddlers naturally love dumping, mixing and spreading their toys, or whatever else they can get their little hands on, all over the house. Although this can frustrate Mom and Dad, making messes is all part of growing up and figuring out how things work.

"Toddlers love to explore and play with everything around them," says Sharon Fried Buchalter, a clinical psychologist based in Boca Raton, Fla., and author of Children Are People Too: Unlocking the 8 Secrets to Family Happiness (People Too Unlimited, 2006). "This is great, because it shows great imagination and creativity. However, that creativity and exploration can lead to a huge mess around the house."

Although toddlers don't need any encouragement to dig in and make a mess, cleaning up takes a little coaxing. Teaching your toddler how to clean up after playtime not only keeps the house clean, but also develops good habits your little one can use for the rest of his life. To show your toddler the importance of cleaning up and, most important, to get him to pitch in, consider the following 6 strategies.

When it comes to building good habits, starting early is important – and learning how to clean up is no different.

"Children should begin helping parents clean up between 18 and 24 months," says Dr. Paul Donahue, child psychologist and author of Parenting Without Fear (St. Martin's Griffin, 2007). "But they will of course still need a good deal of prompting and help at that age."

Starting small means making the task simple at first, so your little one can grasp the cleanup concept.

Alicia Rockmore, CEO of Buttoned Up, Inc., an organizing company based in Ann Arbor, Mich., recommends starting with the idea of putting toys back in a bucket or other container, and eventually building up to the point where they can clean up art supplies or outdoor toys. The key to avoiding a struggle and bigger messes down the road is to start teaching how to clean up as soon as possible. "The earlier the better when it comes to building the habit of picking up toys," Rockmore says.

Parents are a child's primary role models. Toddlers are constantly observing and learning from Mom and Dad, and they readily copy the behaviors they see on a regular basis. That means you must model the behaviors you want to see.

"The first thing we have to remember when teaching our children is that they learn better by example," says Adelaide Zindler, a mom from Ramona, Calif., and author of the forthcoming book, Fearless Parenting. "When it comes to picking up after themselves, toddlers are more likely to embrace being neat by watching us first."

Toddlers love doing things with everyone together as a family, and they love to help. It makes them feel like an important part of the group. And at cleanup time, you can use this to your advantage.

"I try to tell them that it's all part of being a contributor to the household," says Donna Johnson, a mom from Charlotte, N.C. "Mommy and Daddy clean up after our messes, so they need to do the same."

When your toddler spills something or makes a mess with his toys, talk about the importance of pitching in while you help them clean up. And use encouraging language and praise to get them involved. Making cleanup a family affair, and not just Mom and Dad's job, reinforces that your toddler is a part of the family and therefore partially responsible for straightening up the house.

"A fun and logical way to get your toddlers to clean up after themselves is to ensure they know where everything goes," Buchalter says. She suggests creating a bin or shelf system that stores all the toys in an organized way.

Designate one bin or shelf for books, one for blocks and one for stuffed animals. Get your toddler involved in the organizational system by decorating the bins or boxes together. Toddlers are eager to help and learn new things, so a simple system that they can help maintain will get them involved in the whole cleanup process.

Although you may never have considered yourself a songwriter, putting your creative skills to work can help make cleanup time a fun, integral part of playtime.

"I made up a song that I sing when it is time to clean up," says Heather Ledeboer, a mom from Athol, Idaho. "Something about the connection of song and action seems to set their little bodies into motion when we start to sing."

Adding music or other fun elements to cleanup time not only lightens the mood, but also teaches kids that straightening up is an integral part of playing.

"That's why so many nursery school classes sing songs during cleanup, to make everyone aware that cleanup is part of what we do when we play, and that it can be somewhat fun," Dr. Donahue says. "But parents have to be clear that no other activity will begin until the toys that are out are all put away. This is where they need to hold the line."

By the age of 3 or 4, your child should be capable of cleaning up after himself. At this age, they may still need some prompting, but kids should know that they are responsible for their things and they must take care of them.

When your child has trouble catching on, or outright refuses to participate in cleanup time, Dr. Donahue recommends denying a privilege to link a consequence to their behavior. For example, if the child doesn't clean up his toys, he can't go to the park.

"In this case, parents make an explicit connection between the child's responsibility, cleaning up and their access to a privilege or fun activity," Dr. Donahue says. If this doesn't work, the next step would be to pack up the child's toys and say something like, "You have been having trouble picking up your toys, so I'm going to put them away until I know you are ready to take care of them." You can give your child one more chance, but do so in a firm tone that lets them know you mean business. Then, if the problem persists to this point a second time, put the toys away for a few days.

Toddlers never hesitate to make a mess. But learning the importance of cleaning up is just as important as the ability to explore and experiment. As a parent, it's important to model good behaviors and encourage them to help at cleanup time. When you use these 6 strategies, you will help instill good habits on your little ones and gain a little helper in the process.

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